


Que sera, sera

by Yoonaya



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 19:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2320199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoonaya/pseuds/Yoonaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn’t work out. Sometimes it just doesn’t. And that’s fine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Que sera, sera

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever attempt at DBSK-fic. Please be gentle!

**Que sera, sera**

Que sera, sera

What ever will be, will be

The future’s not ours to see

Que sera, sera

What will be, will be

 

*

 

Yunho’s gotten a plastic statue for having the highest monthly sales and everyone seems to be really happy about that. He wonders dimly if they’re really enjoying themselves or if they’re pretending like him. Not that he’s pretending right now. He’s a lot of drinks past pretending, standing outside in the cold with a cigarette burning his fingers.

 

‘’I’d choke too if my tie was that tight.’’

 

A voice says and in an impulse Yunho stubs out his cigarette, like a schoolboy getting caught cheating. He only feels slightly relieved when it doesn’t belong to one of his colleagues.

 

‘’I was going to go with ‘if there was a stick that far up my ass’ but you seem much more relaxed when you’re not the centre of attention. Odd that, for someone in sales.’’

 

The man blows another stream of smoke out into the night. For a short moment there’s two of him and he really should not have drunk so much.

 

‘’I don’t know you.’’ He says intelligently.

 

‘’I don’t work here,’’ the man says and snorts, ‘’luckily.’’

 

Yunho feels like he should be offended but it’s not like the man is saying something that isn’t reasonable.

 

He’s gotten closer without him noticing, his height a little intimidating even for Yunho and it takes a moment for him to realise the man is offering him his cigarette.

 

Yunho takes it, hoping it’ll help him sober up a bit so he can understand what’s going on in this conversation.

 

‘’Who are you? Why are you here? Why are you talking to me?’’

 

He sputters pathetically as the man takes his cigarette back, their fingers touching ever so slightly when he laughs around the cancer stick.

 

‘’Calm down, Sherlock Holmes. Thought we could celebrate your achievement there.’’

 

He points to the statue Yunho is still clasping in his left hand. Oh. He forgot about that.

 

The man’s eyes are dark as he closes the remaining distance between them, hands curling around Yunho’s waist. One of them slides to the front of his trousers, pressing down. The statue falls to the ground.

 

‘’I’m not gay.’’ Yunho protests.

 

Another laugh and the man’s lips meet his through a layer of smoke.

 

‘’Hope you’re more convincing at work.’’

 

*

 

Yunho wakes up in a place he doesn’t recognise and freaks out because that hasn’t happened since he was seventeen and a rebel.

 

He manages to sit up despite his throbbing headache and realises he’s nude under the covers. When he turns his head he finds a bundle of short black hair still asleep next to him.

 

Shame strikes down immediately and he can feel his body going into panic; his heartbeat quickens and he can’t think.

 

He has to leave.

 

In the half-dark he can see clothes lying scattered on the floor. He finds his, eventually, and closes the bedroom door softly; just slow enough to catch a glimpse of the other man stirring in his sleep. He stays still for a moment, afraid of waking him up.

 

He catches his breath.

 

There’s light streaming in through the windows, traffic outside already buzzing and Yunho worries if he shouldn’t be at work already. Green letters on the microwave show him it’s 6:37. He doesn’t remember what time he got here. Doesn’t want to think about when or why.

 

He finds one shoe hidden underneath the couch and the other one at the front door. Sitting down on the floor he ties them, hands still shaking.

 

‘’Leaving so soon?’’

 

Yunho looks up to see the man crouching behind him, a cigarette once again in his hands and Yunho wonders how long he’s been awake, how long he’s listened to Yunho wandering around his house like a thief.

 

The man doesn’t answer any of his unspoken questions, just smirks as if all of this is very amusing.

 

‘’Cat got your tongue? At least kiss me goodbye.’’

 

He leans in and Yunho flinches, standing up so quickly the man stumbles backwards a bit.

 

‘’What happened yesterday was a disgrace.’’

 

He says, straightening his back so the man has less of an advantage on him in height. The man isn’t intimidated in the slightest, stroking his arm as if he were a kitten.

 

‘’Look at you. Strung like a wire.’’

 

There’s pity in his eyes as he says it and Yunho thinks it’s him who should be pitied. He harshly shoves off the man’s hands and shoots a glare at him.

 

‘’Don’t touch me.’’ He grits out and it earns him another smirk around that damned cigarette.

 

‘’Didn’t mind me touching you yesterday evening. With the way you were beginning for it – ‘’

 

He grabs the front of the man’s shirt, shoving him against the wall, his other arm ready to throw a punch.

 

‘’If you ever tell anyone about this I’ll fucking kill you.’’ He spits out.

 

Doesn’t turn around to see that smirk still in place as he leaves into the empty street.

 

*

 

They’re dressed well and a little older than usual – proof of a long education. Their daughter is the centre of attention and she wouldn’t have it any other way. Yunho knows he can get a great deal but only if he plays his cards right.

 

‘’Beauty, isn’t she?’’

 

A Burberry coat turns around, frowning slightly.

 

‘’It’s too big.’’

 

Yunho clasps his hands together, lifting an eyebrow.

 

‘’Perhaps… the car is for the young lady?’’

 

Three heads nod in unison.

 

‘’Well aren’t you a lucky one!’’

 

Polite laughter and smiles and our Seohyun is going to law school.

 

‘’My friend went there. Has a job at one of the best law firms in Seoul. I was always jealous of him. I regret never being smart enough, or perhaps just being too lazy.’’

 

More laughter, genuine this time and Yunho can almost see the dreams in their eyes as they shake their heads and pat their little girl’s shoulders. In that case, Yunho continues, perhaps this one…?

 

‘’This one is perfect.’’

 

Her smile is all white teeth and pleading eyes. Yunho can dream what’s coming next, knows it like the lines of a film he’s seen too many times.

 

‘’It’s also a lot more expensive.’’

 

The man continues to stare at the price sign which shows double Yunho’s yearly salary as if it’ll change into human form and attack him anytime, his wife hanging on his arm. Pleading eyes meet his for a millisecond and that’s his cue.

 

‘’Of course, not everyone can start out at the top.’’

 

He steps away from the car. A tug on the man’s arm and there’s a deep sigh. Small calloused hands join thin pretty ones on the black aluminium.

 

‘’Hell,’’ the man turns around, ‘’what’s money for if not to spend it?’’

 

A friendly smile as Yunho shakes his hand.

 

‘’What indeed.’’

 

*

 

The day before his birthday his mother asks him if he remembers not being able to sleep because of the excitement. He doesn’t.

 

*

 

They ask him why aren’t you married yet, when are you going to meet a nice girl, weren’t you supposed to get that promotion and Yunho feels like he’s suffocating underneath all the expectations. He smiles and tells them soon, then does nothing about it. His mother notices so she sets him up on a date. I’m thirty, he protests and she says that’s exactly the problem.

 

The girl is pretty; all natural beauty and shy smiles. She has got to be at least ten years younger than him and Yunho’s not sure that’s the only reason it feels wrong when he holds her close and takes away her innocence.

 

It isn’t her name he cries out and he feels like dying when she lets him drive her home, pretends nothing is wrong. He tells his mother never again.

 

*

 

He doesn’t know why he’s here. He feels like an idiot, standing in the middle of the sidewalk with his suitcase in his hand, jacket slung over his arm.

 

From the outside it looks just like any other bar, he thinks. From the outside he looks like any other person, he remembers.

 

The laughter and music are inviting, beckoning him closer but Yunho’s alone and he’s never been; doesn’t know what to expect, what will be expected of him –

 

‘’If you’re looking for a nice girl you should try another part of town.’’

 

He turns around to see cigarette-man sitting on a bench, hidden in the shadows if it wasn’t for the light of the moon.

 

‘’Thought you weren’t gay.’’ Changmin says.

 

‘’Those things will kill you.’’ He answers instead. Changmin snorts and tells Yunho to come sit next to him. He does, goes to sit about ten centimetres next to Changmin, his suitcase and jacket perched between them.

 

Changmin puts them down with a frown and slides into his personal space, an arm around his shoulder.

 

‘’I don’t usually take guys home like that you know,’’ Changmin says after a minute, ‘’was going to make you some really nice pancakes. People love my pancakes.’’

 

‘’I’m intolerant to wheat.’’

 

‘’Of course you fucking are.’’

 

Changmin takes another drag from his cigarette then flicks it away. Yunho is clasping his knees with both his hands, trying very hard not to look at the other man. Afraid of what he might find in those eyes. Changmin is leaning over then, hands going over his thighs and back and Yunho pulls them away harshly.

 

‘’No! I mean… I didn’t come here for that. I just – I want to know why you talked to me that night.’’

 

He can feel rather than see Changmin’s frown as he slings his arm over his shoulder again.

 

‘’You looked nice.’’

 

‘’Nice?’’

 

‘’Nice. Handsome. Looked like you could use some company.’’

 

‘’Did… did I look gay?’’

 

He expects another laugh for that but it doesn’t come. Changmin only tilts his chin so that he can’t avoid the man’s eyes any longer.

 

‘’Yunho. Nobody knows you’re gay.’’

 

He says very slowly and doesn’t let Yunho move his head. He lets his fingers trail from his chin to his neck then, finding a spot below Yunho’s ear which makes his eyes flutter closed.

 

‘’Well. I mean, I know. You sort of made that clear.’’

 

Changmin says and this time Yunho snorts. It’s an ugly sound but it makes Changmin smile nonetheless.

 

Shy fingers find his and Yunho’s voice is still slightly shaking when he says:

 

‘’I think… I’d like some company tonight.’’

 

*

 

He’d call it a mistake but Yunho never makes the same mistake twice.

 

*

 

Changmin’s apartment is familiar now and so is having the other man by his side. It feels safe, having someone to fall back on and more often than not he doesn’t go home in the evening.

 

This is one of those nights. Changmin is perched up on the couch with the latest edition of The Economist in his hands. A very bad actress is saying her last lines in a mediocre drama but Yunho’s not really watching, preferring to focus on sliding his fingers through soft black hair.

 

‘’I can’t read if you’re doing that.’’ Changmin protests but he doesn’t push the older man away, lets him.

 

‘’I like it when you wear your glasses.’’ Yunho says, his hands touching the beige plastic for a moment.

 

‘’Thanks. I need them to see.’’ The other man deadpans, turning the page and Yunho can’t explain the big grin plastered on his face, the swell in his chest.

 

*

 

He doesn’t like it when Changmin smokes in bed, any other time he’d comment on it but he’s in a great mood today; telling stories with big gestures and short chuckles, his accent slipping through.

 

‘’And so remember when I told you about Hyunjoong?’’

 

Changmin takes another slow drag and smiles.

 

‘’The one that steals all your deals?’’

 

‘’Yeah, him. So he’d made a test drive and was just about to have them sign the contract when this bird – it just flies past and shits all over the car – all over Hyunjoong really, and of course I had to come running to him and act all polite but I was pissing myself – ‘’

 

He’s clutching his chest, tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks. Changmin finds himself joining in, can’t help it that seeing Yunho like this always makes him feel like he’s been given the world on a silver platter.

 

*

 

One day Yunho comes home to his apartment to find his mother waiting for him. Where were you is the first thing she says and Yunho lies easily (always has). Work and duties and things get late.

 

Yunho knows things are about to get bad when he sees she’s ordered food.

 

He’s two bites into his kimchi when she brings it up.

 

‘’When are you giving your parents some grandchildren, Yunho-ya? We’re getting old and you’re not so young yourself anymore.’’

 

‘’Soon, mother.’’

 

‘’That’s not an answer!’’ she whines and the sound is grating to his ears. He sees her face and despises it. He wishes he could be seven again, his knees bruised and face still soft with boyish features; his parents’ pride and joy. They never seemed to want anything from him back then. Now it seems that’s all they do.

 

‘’Soon might not be good enough.’’

 

Yunho puts his bowl down a little too harshly and his mother gives him a disapproving look.

 

‘’Look, I want to give you children. I honestly do. Just wait a bit longer – at least until I find a –‘’

 

‘’Your father is dying.’’

 

The words reach his ears but they don’t settle in. They’re too absurd, too unreal, like that time that man jumped in front of the train – still moving – and there was so much blood and so little he understood.

 

‘’What?’’

 

He says and he doesn’t understand what he’s asking himself.

 

‘’He’s been ill for some time now but of course he was too stubborn to admit it –‘’ she gives him a  sour smile, ‘’you take after him in that aspect – and when he went to see the doctor a month ago they couldn’t do anything for him anymore. He didn’t want to let you know but as his wife I know his biggest wish would be to hold his grandchild. If only just once.’’

 

She’s overcome with emotions and falls silent while Yunho just stares in shock. She reaches over the table to hold his hand, softly petting it. There are tears in her eyes and her voice is gentle as she says:

 

‘’You’re a good son, aren’t you, Yunho-ya?’’

 

Yunho thinks he’s going to be sick.

 

*

 

‘’Yunho? What are you doing here – oh. Oh dear. All right – all right. Cry. Let it all out. Hush, I’m here. It’s all right.’’

 

*

 

It’s not like Changmin hadn’t expected it, hadn’t been dreading this every time he laid awake at night at 3 AM, staring at the man lying next to him as if to seal the image in his mind.

 

He just expected Yunho to put up more of a fight.

 

Yunho would say how he’s fire but right now he’s slipping through his fingers like water.

 

*

 

Changmin is standing in his doorway holding a cardboard box. Yunho blinks.

 

‘’You forgot these at my place.’’ Changmin says, voice small and he doesn’t meet Yunho’s eyes. The box is pressed into his hands, Changmin’s arms crossed in front of his chest and he’s suddenly aware of feeling taller than the younger man. He clears his throat.

 

‘’’s work stuff. Thought you might need it.’’

 

‘’Thank you. That was kind of you.’’

 

He puts the box down while Changmin runs a hand through his hair awkwardly, both of them having too much to say for this conversation.

 

Yunho catches a thin wrist as the other man turns around and pulls him flush against his body, kisses him until he can’t breathe. When they break apart Changmin’s eyes are red and puffy and Yunho doesn’t want to think of the reason for that so he’s grateful when Changmin’s hand drops to the back of his neck, kisses him and then kisses him some more.

 

The other man almost seems too small under his hands as he presses him into the mattress, sobs and pleas falling from his lips, back arching like a cat. He only demands more, more, and Changmin’s hands clutch his shoulders tight as if it’ll keep him from leaving.

 

Yunho doesn’t look at him after.

 

‘’Ask me to stay.’’

 

Changmin offers, standing in Yunho’s room half undressed with his heart on his sleeve.

 

He doesn’t close the door when he leaves.

 

*

 

It doesn’t work out. Sometimes it just doesn’t. And that’s fine.

 

*

 

Six months later he’s engaged to Jiyeon from Accounting, their baby then still alive in her round belly. His colleagues slap him on his shoulders and say things like: ‘’You and Jiyeonie, eh? I’ve always known.’’ and he resists the urge to punch a wall.

 

The baby dies two weeks before his father does but it’s fine. Jiyeon turns into a wreck but there’s therapy for that the doctors say, it’ll be fine. His promotion is given to Hyunjoong instead but that’s fine, he’s only thirty-one. His mother stops speaking to him, stops speaking altogether but that’s fine. They put her in a home where they know how to deal with these sort of things and the nurses there smile at him and tell him his mother? she’s fine.

 

A year later on his way to the office he sees Changmin with his arm slung around a bundle of bright red hair. He waves but Changmin doesn’t wave back.

 

And it’s fine.

 


End file.
